


To Lose, Nonetheless

by VisionaryGalaxy



Series: A Thousand Futures of Me and You [11]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt Stephen Strange, Hurt/Comfort, IronStrange family, M/M, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 17:15:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15890481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisionaryGalaxy/pseuds/VisionaryGalaxy
Summary: To feel helpless with so much power, Stephen never wanted to feel that way again and neither did Tony.*Not an infinity war fic despite suggestion otherwise :)





	1. A Love so Strong

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【授翻】To Lose, Nonetheless](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16780735) by [Clover_cherik](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clover_cherik/pseuds/Clover_cherik)



> My muse did not take kindly to being told it needed to chill :(

  It was sudden, too sudden for a shield or spell to stop. All he could feel was the pain, the blast as though it sought to boil his skin from his bones in the two milliseconds that the fire flashed. No thoughts came to him at first, his eyes opening only to find rubble and dust sparkling in the air, filling his lungs with each staggered breath. There was no light natural or artificial, only the cool droplets of rain no longer being blocked by a roof.

   The first thought came to him, _it should be loud._ But it wasn’t, there was only distant ringing. As his eyes began to move slowly they took in the images, the bodies surrounding him, and there was the second thought, _I’m a doctor I should help_. The smallest of movements only to discover he was pinned, and that explained the nearly unbearable pressure on his back, if he hadn’t experienced worse. His head could move though, so he did coughing on the new puff of dust that rose around him, over him. His hands too, trembling horribly and stinging with fresh pain.

   He was forgetting something, he knew this even as his head continued to spin, even as the cool droplets falling from above seemed to give way to something warm and thick. Another shift, another gasp, and then he saw. His heart began to beat faster, his eyes widening in horror, tears springing up in them. There was the third thought to force its way to the forefront of his mind, shrill and terrified. _Peter._

   He was laying in the dust, not pinned like Stephen, but blood pumped a steady river from the side of his head where a gash stood starkly on his pale face. The red filled his eyes in the grey world around them and he tried to call out, tried to wake him up only to choke on the dust again, unable to hear his own voice. He tried to focus, tried to think but everything was still so fuzzy, _magic, I need to use magic_.

   It hurt to bring his hands together where he spotted cuts, scrapes, and possibly a dislocation, but the pain was bearable, it had to be. They shook as he tried to perform a spell to throw off the rock and when it sparked but failed something in Stephen cracked, his eyes blinking away the dust and rain. Peter needed him, so he tried again and again.

   On the fourth try his hearing seem to return, not slowly like he had been told it would in a blast but all at once loud and unbearable. Screams, sirens, crunching of gravel, and the crumbling of the building around them, worse still Peter was silent as ever. The sixth try it worked and the rock that had been pinning him flew off leaving Stephen to cry out in agony as every part of his back seemed to contract in pain, leaving him writhing for a moment.

   When he managed to lift his head, it was to see the Cloak firmly wrapped around Peter, one end pressed tightly to his wound. It caused a small smile to form on his lips, the only movement that did not currently cause pain to stab through him, at least the Cloak would take care of him where Stephen was unable.

   “Peter?” He tried again now, stretching one arm out towards where the boy lay on his side, backpack long gone, and clothes seemingly torn some what. It came out all wrong even to Strange, whispered and dry. Helpless in a way that left his stomach twisting again, turning to the bodies once more. He was a Sorcerer of the Mystic Arts and still he had been useless, still he was laying on the ground incapable of moving while Peter lay injured feet away from him. A sob rose up, memories crashing down on him as he struggled to move forward again.

   He thought of the man who led him to Kamar-Taj, thought about how moments before the explosion Peter had been laughing loudly at his description of Wong falling flat on his face in front of the students, thought of the way Tony would gaze at him, Tony’s caring protective eyes whenever they looked at Peter, the disapproval and pride when he did something annoying.

   With a new cry of frustration and no little desperation Stephen found himself on his hands and knees, chest heaving, mouth open in a silent scream, even as he used his magic to salvage what remained of his broken back and spine. Damage was surely being done, but still with steady huffs he ignored the feverish ache sweeping his body as he shuffled forward. His hands finally touched Peter’s wrist, feeling for a pulse, what he found was steady and strong leaving a half laugh half sob to arise again. From the Cloak fell a sling ring and without thinking he grabbed it and slipped it onto his hand feeling a bone pop as he did so. A portal small but just big enough appeared for Stephen to send the Cloak and Peter through into the Sanctuary where Wong could help.

   The moment it closed he felt everything in him collapse, his magic, his back. Laying in the dust once again, shivers began to race up and down his body in painful little spasms, _shock_ his mind supplied. All of the pain seemed to coalesce, and he gagged, heaving twice until he threw up. It was all he could do not to pass out, no matter how much he wanted to. _Where are the people? The ambulances, police?_

   He let his eyes flutter closed, exhaustion making itself a welcome presence. There was a numbness in his legs, and the tips of his fingers now, _not good_ yet any relief was enough to make him unworried.

   Just as he began to slip away into wonderful nothingness there was a sudden barrage of familiar sounds. Cracking his eyes open and looking to the sky, blinking around the rain that still sprinkled relief on his heated body, he felt his heart swell with a sense of overwhelming comfort. Above him flew two familiar shapes, Tony’s inventions, Ironman and War Machine fighting a battle with other unfamiliar objects. There were other sounds too, grunts, shooting, and singing metal that made him think of the other Avengers. _Nothing to worry about now_. He should tell Tony about Peter, he knew, but he was too tired to even call out, Wong would handle it. _The Avengers will take care of everyone_. With a sigh he surrendered to the darkness, grateful more then anything else. Even if he was helpless, the others surely were not. All that mattered was that Peter was safe, he wouldn’t have been able to look Tony in the eye otherwise.


	2. A Sacrifice so Willing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony faces the fact he had nearly lost everything he lives for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only update today guys really sorry about that! At least it lengthy?

   Sweat slipped down the side of Tony’s face as he attempted to maneuver with the needed level of ease and speed to catch and hit the disastrous balls of light flying through the air. When he and the other Avengers had arrived on the scene of the explosion it was to come face to face with three men, obviously related throwing these shining beacons at the buildings around them, leveling in the space of seconds entire structures.

   There was only about eight of them having been tossed into the air with laser accuracy, but they were proving difficult for him and Rhodes to take care of. Every few minutes, Tony would glance down to see Cap, Romanoff, and Cliff fighting of the men, while Wanda worked her magic on the collapsing walls, trying to free people and drag out bodies. As he tried to focus, managing to destroy another one of the magic eight balls, his mind wandered to Stephen and Peter. Usually this kind of thing would be on both of their radars, the presence being a given in within moments, but so far nothing. Something in Tony was twisting with unease, but he wasn’t sure what.

   “Tony, on your tail.” Came Rhodes voice and he swerved sharply, turning so he could look at where the ball was following him and blasting it to pieces. The sounds from below suggested that the others had gained the advantage, and within moments there was only three of the shining balls left, to Tony’s relief. He paused mid air, Rhodes swinging around a building after one, in order to account for the other two.

   “FRIDAY activate heat sensor.” His vision turned to hues of orange and yellow as he looked around, hoping to see them. What he hadn’t expected was Romanoff’s suddenly urgent voice in the intercom.

   “Stark watch it!”

   Suddenly something hit him hard from behind, a heat reaching him even from inside the suit as he went tumbling out of the air towards the rumble of a building. The explosive ball managed to hit a weak spot much to Tony’s anger causing the suit to malfunction and he landed hard skidding into the mud and dust, mixing from the wet conditions. The suit bumped along a little before coming to a halt against a large rock. He let out a groan of pain and annoyance.

   “Alright Tony? I took care of the other two.”

   “Fine, just fine.” He grumbled.

   Shifting, Tony taped the reactor and the suit began to slowly contract. He laid there for a moment, knowing the others would find him shortly, and just breathed hard. He was getting way to old for this shit. He looked around though and felt his stomach turn. Bodies, Wanda hadn’t cleared this building yet. He moved to his knees and reached out to the lady closest to him, a girl really, no more then seventeen.

   His hand skated over her neck, not really needing to press very hard to know there wasn’t a pulse. Nausea began to bloom, and he found himself wishing for Stephen again, for his calm in the face of death. He didn’t know if that was a doctor, sorcerer, or just Stephen trait but he could use it right now.

   So, he began a methodical approach, climbing over rubble and rock to check pulse after pulse. But it was on the seventh body when he was no longer looking at faces, just feeling and ignoring even the presence of Wanda following in his wake that everything seemed to go dark.

   A pulse, unsteady and barely there but still. The first alive. Joy flared in his chest and he opened his mouth to call for Wanda, and it was at that moment his eyes skated over the face of the body he had been inspecting. Nothing came out, no sound as he starred down in disbelief at a familiar face.

   His heart stop, his world froze, his mind coming to a standstill as he looked at the unconscious face of Stephen. It wasn’t real, it couldn’t be. It was another hallucination from his fucked up traumatized mind, it was a nightmare and he needed to wake the hell up. But the face didn’t change no matter how long he starred and something in his chest began to crack, weaving a painful line down his center towards his heart, an angry, horrified hole threatening to gape open and fuck that. It was _unacceptable_.

   His jaw clenched, and he reached down to feel his Stephen’s pulse again and take a steadying breath. He had wasted enough time, so he stopped, shut it all down and focused. He was pale, and there was blood, a lot, but he refused to let his brain do the calculation. A gentle run of his hands, careful not to move his body revealed something had gone horribly wrong with his back. Eyes darted to a nearby rock and the nausea returned anew, as his mind supplied the answer from the dark stains on the rubble. He continued to inspect, one hand pressed tightly to Stephen’s side where most of the blood seem to come from, and finally he saw his hands.

   That caused an ache in his head and tears to gather in his eyes. It was bad, and that was all he allowed himself to acknowledge. Wanda could move him without hurting him, and perhaps staunch the bleeding, but there was nothing she could do for his back, and he suspected nothing the doctors could do either. Not an option then.

   Something sickeningly close to desperation began to set in. What could he do? He was a man of action, liked to take the broken and fix it but he didn’t know how to do this. His eyes fell to the necklace hanging around Stephen’s neck, the eye covered in dust and mud from the rain that no longer sprinkled down. A horrible thought occurred then, how long had he been lying here alone?

   A sob worked its way up his throat which he swallowed back with a cry, he needed to _focus_. The eye, if he could wake Stephen he could turn back time to before the explosion, get himself out. “Tony.” Wanda.

   He looked up at her where she starred down in shock before abruptly falling to her knees next to him, red magic seeping out to stop the bleedings. But still he didn’t let go, needed to be useful. Her worried eyes met his, “Its bad Tony.”

   “ _I know!_ ” He snapped, breathing harshly. Then pleading because he couldn’t let Stephen die, they promised each other years they deserved _years_. “What do we do?” Broken.

   Her eyes darted about then she starred at something on Stephen’s hand. He followed her gaze and felt a stirring inside him, felt what might be some small hope. His sling ring. Tony reached out and gently raised his hand, wincing as one of his fingers bent unnaturally while the ring came off, he couldn’t use it damn it, but if Stephen was here then Wong had to be at the Sanctuary.

   “FRIDAY? Contact Wong now, all phones, if no answer send a bot to the house ASAP and tell him to get his ass to Third and Second Street near Layover Bridge.” He hoped the shake in his voice wasn’t discernible as it travelled over the shared Avengers line. “Tell him its Stephen.”

   “Right Away Boss.”

   Tony leaned down next to Stephen now, adrenalin flowing through him in the form of hope, “Listen here Stephen, I do _not_ give you permission to die. You hear that? Your heart is to keep beating whether you like it or not, or else I will sick Peter on you.” He whispered, heart aching.

   He ignored the tears in Wanda’s eyes as she shifted away a little to send an update to the others. He didn’t care what she told them, keeping his eyes on Stephen’s chest. Only tearing them away when an orange light illuminated them.

   Wong stepped through face serious, eyes darting to where Tony sat next to Stephen and it became grave. “I knew it,” he muttered.

   Tony blinked at him in confusion, eyes taking in the blood on Wong’s hands and the dark stains on the Cloak as it whooshed out of the portal after him. The Cloak wrapped itself around Stephen so gently that it didn’t even seem to move him as it slid under.

   “Quickly now, we don’t have much time to right this.” Suddenly Stephen was gone, his bruised and battered body disappearing into the portal leaving Tony starring after feeling helpless and more then a little terrified.

   His eyes darted to Wanda who had clearly released her magic and was checking other bodies. She glanced over at him, brows furrowed in a concern that only left him feeling worse, “Go.” She nodded at the portal. “We’ll handle things here, the others understand.”

   Nothing felt like the right answer here, his mind split between so many pathways. He was standing in rubble with dead bodies at every turn, a national emergency. But through that portal was the love of his life, the man that made realities like this one bearable, survivable. Here he could be useful, there he would have to stand by and watch and wait. A shudder went through him and he stepped through the portal which closed behind him as though it had been waiting for his choice the whole time.

   The other side left him disoriented, going from the loud busy noises of sirens, crying, crumbling that he hadn’t even noticed to complete silence. He was in the Sanctuary of course, standing in the foyer. His feet led him to scale the stairs quickly following a hum of energy, once he reached the top he found himself in a bedroom without having taken a single turn, just popped into the center.

   Before him stood Wong, pacing in front of the floating form of Stephen, his face serious and concentrated as he went, hands moving quickly, magic floating up and away from them. A sickly orangish glow began to form around his shape and Wong seemed satisfied with this, so Tony approached slowly, eyes on the carefully healing cuts and bruises around his lover’s body.

   “Is he going to be ok Wong?”

   “I think so.”

   Tony’s attention snapped to him, “What the hell do you mean you _think_?”

   Wong levelled a look that was somewhere between stony and pitying. Tony didn’t much care for it really.

   “The cuts, scraped, and unfortunate injury in his side will not be a problem. Its his back and his hands that I am worried about.” Tony tensed as he looked back at Stephen, it was taking all his control not to reach out to him, “They are severe, the hands I believe could be salvaged by me but his back will need more advanced care.”

   “Meaning?” Tony asked quietly.

   “I’m bringing him to Kamar-Taj. I am confident we can physically cure these problems in time, it’s the state of his metaphysical self that is the real mystery however.”

   Tony’s brow furrowed, relief had trickled in at Wong’s assurances only to sour instantly. Now the mask Wong so often wore had softened, something glinting in his eyes that set him on edge.

   “Tell me in plain answers please.”

   That same expression remained on Wong’s face as he answered, “He was severely injured, the pain that accompanies it, although something he is used to, can be extremely taxing on not just the brain but the soul. He went a step further, however, in an attempt help, using his abilities was dangerous while in such as mental state,” he motioned at where Stephen’s busted hands floated. “Worse, while unable to ground it with his training, it took a great power and focus to manage such magic and it exhausted his metaphysical center.”

   Tony shook his head. “Trying to help the people? They were dead Wong.”

   A portal opened suddenly into the room, multiple robed individuals stepping through, faces obscured by their hoods. Stephen began to float out, still wrapped in the cape. Tony made his way to follow after Wong only for a hand on his chest to stop him.

   “Stay Stark, there is work for you here.”

   Tony starred at him dead-eyed. “The fuck are you talking about Wong? That’s Stephen, I’m not leaving him alone,” he hissed.

   “He won’t be, go through those doors and see what Stephen risked so much for.”

   Before Tony could protest Wong had gently pushed him back and closed the portal. He starred after it, helpless. Their assurances should have made him feel better but instead the crack in him continued to threaten. He needed a distraction, and as such his eyes were drawn to the large, ornate oak doors Wong had pointed to.

   Tony went, but just before he pushed them open the uneasy sick feeling from the battle that seemed so long ago all of sudden reappeared. Taking a deep breath, he swung them open and froze, a horrible sense of déjà vu overwhelming him for a moment as he recognized Peter laying over the covers of a large four poster bed. Eyes closed, clothing obviously from the Sanctum covering him, and a large gash on the side of his head.

   A sob rose up in him, his psyche finally catching up to the stress and trauma of the day as he darted forward to the kids’ side. Just like he had done with Stephen his hands did a preliminary check finding nothing but the head injury. The door opened, and he swung around, uncaring of the tears beginning to swell over, prepared to demand answers as a new anger filled him. At what he wasn’t sure.

   He stopped though when he saw it was a young woman, a student in training robes. Stephen was strict about how his students were treated, so he just starred silently as she approached. When she was only a few feet away he was surprised when she offered a slight bow, her blond head of hair falling forward in submission.

   He just shook his head to clear it, unwilling to learn the reason behind this move. “Tell me what’s wrong with him.”

   She straightened, eyes doing no more then glance at Peter. “He will be fine, it was simply a concussion and a gash. He is healing at an extraordinary rate, Master Wong decided it was permittable to allow him sleep, but I’ll be watching his condition closely. If you need me for anything I’ll be just outside.”

   Every bone in his body relaxed from where it had tensed upon seeing him, the woman was already turning to go, “Wait, what happened to him? How did he get hurt?” There was a sneaking suspicion that he wanted her to actually say, he needed to hear it.

   Her head cocked to the side in confusion. “In the explosion, the same one Master Strange was in, it was my understanding you were there.”

   He swallowed harshly and nodded, apparently that was enough to send her on her way. Tony swung back to the bed, already knowing he would be sitting in the chair pulled up next to it for the rest of the night or however, long it took Peter to wake up.

   Lowering his achy body into the seat he reached over and couldn’t help but run a hand through his hair, slowly combing the dust and debris from it. His heart was throbbing like it had since he found Stephen, and now Peter.

   He closed his eyes and let his mind begin to unravel the story, short statements of the facts he knew, unable to bare more. Stephen had met Peter at that coffee shop, probably to pick him up before heading to the Sanctuary where Peter spent so much time these days. The explosion happened, Peter was struck in the head. Stephen was pinned beneath that rubble.

   This was where his entire chest began to tighten anxiously, fresh tears swelling up as he saw it in his minds eye. Stephen forcing the rock off his back so he could get to Peter, the agony of a shattered spine as he sent Peter to the Sanctuary, giving up the Cloak, Stephen laying there alone, bleeding and broken.

   Sobs wracked his body as his hand settled in Peter’s hair, the other gripping the kid’s hand tightly. Stephen would have done everything in his power to save Peter, and as angry as he wanted to be at the man for risking so much, for daring to leave him here all alone, how could he not also be grateful?

   It was devastation. It was the only emotion Tony could equate to this as he gasped for breath, as he imagined this sacrifice, one he never wanted to give. He would end himself now if it meant Stephen walked through those doors and Peter was awake and smiling. He was the Ironman, but still he had been too late, hadn’t even _known_ when everything he lived for had almost been taken away. What good was it then?

   “Mister Stark?” His head shot up, one hand rubbing at his tear streaked face to see Peter blinking slowly in the light.

   “Peter.”

   A rough cough as he tried to distill some of the dust in his lungs and Tony rubbed his chest to help him, “What-” another cough ripped through his dry and raspy voice. A glance around showed water on the nightstand, and he quickly helped the kid drink.

   “There you go Peter. Its alright, how are you feeling?”

   Peter blinked again, glancing around in confusion as his large brown eyes turned to looked at Tony, his brow already furrowing in familiar concern.

   “Mister Stark, where is Dr. Strange?”

   He opened his mouth, only for nothing to come out. He gripped Peter’s hand tightly, the kid wouldn’t be able to understand why Stephen would risk so much for him, couldn’t understand the responsibility they both feel to keep his heart beating, even in place of their own. Tony tried desperately to keep his own tears at bay this time, but the growing fear in Peter’s gaze suggested failure.

   “I’m sorry Peter, he’s hurt really bad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed. Sorry no other individual story update today, tomorrow I promise :)

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to some fantastic instrumental music from Premium Music HQ on YouTube and this slipped out. Let me know if any tags should be added and enjoy :)


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